Dear God… First of all, thank you for

August 9, 2010 xyza13

Dear God…

First of all, thank you for giving me a mother who made me a sandwich for lunch today.
Thank you that I have the most caring and supportive parents of all. Even though sometimes we do have a little misunderstandings, now I know what they really mean.

Second, thank you for giving me siblings whom I thought are apathetic but definitely they’re not. Thank you for giving them to me. And whenever I’m making a fashion error, they’re always there to tell me. I am really delightful that I have them.

Third, thank you for giving me a family. A family whom I have proven that they will never leave me. Yes, friends will come and go but a family will not. Now, I realized that I am still blessed to have them.

Fourth, thank you for giving me pets, especially Baba. Baba is my stress reliever. And I am very happy that whenever I’m down, he never fails to cheer me up. :’)

Fifth, thank you for give me friends whom I can/can’t trust. Atleast I have friends who still cares for me. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Thank you.

And on the other hand, I apologize for the mistakes I’ve made. I know I’m despicable and I really think that I am a whole lot different now. I brought disappointment at the same time despair. But I will not promise to be good. Because I will just do my very best to be a better person. I’ve committed many mistakes now. But Lord my God, I know you know me better. I am still better off than anyone else. Well, yes I have flaws. But I can fix it! I really can. Even if others don’t trust me, I’ll prove them wrong. I’ll prove them that they can count on me and my word.

It is very difficult for me to be like this now. I feel like staying inside my room for the rest of the day and just study for my midterm exams. I feel small. But I will never give up. I will continue to stand tall be whom I used to be. I want to be the person everybody will love. I will not do it for myself. I will do it for others. I have different issues with myself so, I’ll handle it differently.

Even if I’m the most despicable person, I know, you’re the only one (and my family too!) who definitely believes in my strength and principles. I know that someday, people will also start to love me. Maybe this time is not the right time for me yet. But yes, someday, I will make them proud of me.

I can be the worst girl now but no, I can’t be that girl forever. I know you will help me. You’re my last resort. And they’re right. Because I know, you’re just there, listening to what I feel. Seriously, I feel sad today. So Lord, please help me. I wanted to be happy too. But I also know that that time will come to me slowly but surely. I will wait for that day to come.

I feel very unwanted now. But that doesn’t matter. Because you’re the only one who likes me now, right Lord?  and with you, I feel at ease. It’s so peaceful to think of you. It’s so calming. Thank for that. 

And oh, before I forgot, please guide me in my exams tomorrow. I’ve got two so please be with me.  I love you so much. I know you’re right beside me now. And I know you’re reading this already. Thank you. 

Your daughter,
Elainne

Entry Filed under: My Journal

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